It’s a great thing to have a partner. To have someone to share your ups and downs, and hopes and fears with. Sometimes, however, they share too much. Sometimes your partner will say something so cataclysmically foolish that you start to wonder whether you’re actually in a relationship with a shop mannequin with the capacity for speech.
Lights, camera, silly question
One high schooler had been called by his girlfriend one evening, and she was lamenting the fact that a power outage had left her with no light to do her homework by.
When the young man suggested she drive over to his place she became furious that he would ask her to drive without headlights. Apparently she’d assumed the power outage had hit her car too! Not the brightest bulb.
A man had gone to Home Depot, keen on getting himself a tow ball for the back of his truck. Upon seeing the plethora of options, he realized he’d need some measurements, so he gave his wife a call.
Upon being asked to check the truck’s bumper, his wife was silent for a few seconds before gently reminding the man that he had, in fact, driven to the store in that very truck. She also reminded him to pick up a spare brain on the way back.
Sometimes you don’t trust people to clean, and for good reason. One woman got a call at work from her husband, informing her that there was a big mess in the house but he was on top of things.
Upon returning home the woman found the living room doused in gray, and her husband covered in more soot than a chimney sweep. It turned out that he had been struck by the genius idea of trying to clean the fireplace with a leaf blower! What a chim-chim che-really bad idea.
Who hasn’t dreamed of having a popcorn maker at home? One man was keen to try out his new purchase with his girlfriend, eagerly scooping a cup full of kernels into the maker.
Unfortunately, this man had forgotten just how much popcorn expands when it pops, and soon found the tiny bowl he was holding entirely inadequate to catch the corn deluge swallowing him and his partner. Legend says they’re still trapped under that popcorn avalanche, trying to eat their way out.
It might be somewhat harrowing to find yourself being swarmed with ants one day, but it isn’t likely to put you in much danger. However, one man was laboring under the apprehension that ants are much more dangerous than they really are.
When playing a trivia game with his partner one day, he was asked what the dangerous animal in Africa was. Without thinking, he immediately exclaimed ‘ants!’, leaving his partner in tears of laughter for the rest of the evening.
The road to heck
A woman and her partner were in the car, driving to meet with her parents. They had gotten a little lost, so her parents asked where she was in an effort to give her some directions.
The woman took a moment, thought about it, and then offered the stunning answer that they were behind the car in front of them. An accurate description, yes, but not an entirely illuminating one. Needless to say they invested in a GPS before long.
It’s not that deep
The ocean is a truly baffling thing. It’s said that we know less about it than we do space – and based on the creatures we’ve seen down there, we’re happy to keep it that way. One woman, however, could probably do with a refresher on some basic sea facts.
While talking to her partner, she revealed her belief that the earth was water right the way through, and that you could swim from one side to the other. All we’ll say is you’d need one heck of a scuba tank.
Put the brakes on that
Those with a love of vintage cars are wont to point them out wherever they go. It helps to be specific though, as one man found driving around with his significant other. Upon seeing a 1970s mint-condition Mustang, he excitedly turned to his partner and told her to check out the car.
What he had forgotten was that they were in the middle of traffic, making his declaration substantially more vague, and giving his partner nothing to do but crack up at his mistake.
Look, it’s hard to always have the right word for something. What are we, dictionaries? One woman found herself on the wrong end of a brain fog when asking her partner to clean up the mess of tree choppings he’d left around the garden.
So indignant that she couldn’t bring the word ‘wood’ to mind, the woman simply demanded that her partner clear up the ‘tree chunks’. It certainly got the message across, and gave her husband a good laugh while cleaning up.
You’re kidding me
A man had married a woman who had two kids from a previous relationship. He had done the best he could to treat them like his own children, often forgetting that they were not related in a genetic sense. This caused some confusion while at a party, as his partner was talking about her daughter’s trouble sleeping.
The man confidently asserted that she got it from his side of the family, only realizing later why everyone had seemed so bemused by this statement. A good father? Yes. A scientist? No.
A relationship is all about give and take. After a man cooked dinner for his wife, she took it upon herself to wash the dishes. While the man was grateful, he was also horrified to walk into the kitchen and find his wife washing the crockpot while it was still plugged in!
He quickly unplugged it before pointing out to his wife just how close she’d come to a nasty zap. A light cooking is for roast beef, not spouses.
One of the things that trips a lot of people up is finding out one day that their partner says a particular word or well-known phrase completely wrong. For one man, it was discovering that, as opposed to taste buds, his girlfriend had been saying the phrase ‘taste bugs’ her whole life.
The man was horrified to hear this, being considerably discomfited by the association of bugs with the act of eating. On the other hand, his girlfriend didn’t understand why he was getting so antsy.
It can be hard to wrap your head around the universe sometimes – truly seeing the earth as a tiny dot in the vastness of space is difficult for anyone. Day and night, however, should be much easier.
One woman was talking to her boyfriend one night, as they looked up at the stars together. Unfortunately, the sweetness of the moment was dulled somewhat when he suddenly asked where the stars went during the day. Presumably the same place his common sense went at night.
Look, sometimes appliances can be a little confusing – but vacuum cleaners are among the more simple machines out there. One woman, however, found that her boyfriend was completely in the dark about how they worked.
He was under the impression that once a vacuum cleaner stops picking things up, it’s irrevocably broken and needs replacing. He was completely unaware that all you needed to do was clean them out and they’d be right as rain. We shudder to think how much he must have spent on vacuums over the years.
Not a fan
Sometimes it can be hard to puzzle out what word a letter might be substituting for. We dare anyone to rattle off what DNA stands for. When changing the settings on her partner’s fan, one woman found him to be the victim of this confusion.
Upon turning it to L, the woman’s partner turned to her and informed her that she had changed the setting to ‘large’. After that, the woman couldn’t help but hear a whistle as the fan blew air through the empty space between her partner’s ears.
The old saying about not being able to see the wood for the trees has never been so apt. One high school student was talking to her boyfriend one day when the world’s largest penny suddenly dropped for her. Turning to her boyfriend, she claimed to have just realized that there were no states beginning with the letter F.
What she had forgotten was that they were having that conversation in the sunny state of Florida. We imagine she wanted to throw herself to the gators upon realizing her mistake.
Worth a shotput
In 2004, the city of London, England, learned that they would host the 2012 Olympics. As part of the games, they announced that any child born on December 20 (20/12 as they write the date) would get to go to the Olympics.
One man was considerably confused by this declaration, concerned about what would happen if these people were no good at sport. His partner had to gently explain that they meant free entry to the games, not a free chance to compete.
The secret ingredient
Sometimes it’s just hard to make two images connect in your mind. One man was talking to his girlfriend about carrot cake one day, wondering why it was called that. After all, it couldn’t possibly have carrots in it – they were a vegetable, and carrot cake is immensely sweet.
As such, he asked what they put in carrot cake to add the carrot flavor. Unfortunately he was unable to get an answer from his partner, as she was too busy laughing.
In a world of GPS on even the most basic phones, reading a map has become something of a lost skill – one certainly not possessed by this man’s partner. He was walking around a nature reserve with her, reading the map to figure out which direction they needed to go.
Suddenly, his partner proclaimed that it would be infinitely easier if the map had a ‘you are here’ symbol on it. The man needed quite a few tries to explain why a portable map couldn’t quite do that for them.
Look, pronunciation can be a difficult art to master. One man found out just how difficult, when his girlfriend started talking about going to a ‘manatee showing’ at the cinema. It took him a little while to realize that she had actually meant ‘matinee showing’, at which point he had the enviable task of explaining her mistake.
The man’s girlfriend was left a little red-faced after discovering her mistake – but the man was mostly entranced by the idea of a movie theater filled with sea cows.
A lot of stores will create miniature displays of items they sell, when the item itself is too big to be properly displayed. Tents are one such item, causing a bit of confusion for one man who went to an outdoor store with his wife.
Upon seeing the teeny tents, he started asking his wife how they could justify selling something so small for such a high price. His wife was very amused, but made a mental note to never let him buy the tent when they went camping.
Back to your roots
Unfortunately, a peaceful life of gardening just isn’t in the stars for everyone. Some people have a thumb so green they can charm even the most belligerent plants into blooming, while others can wither a flower bed with a misplaced gesture.
When one woman asked her husband to plant a tree in the garden, she quickly discovered that he was the latter. When she went to check on the tree she realized that her husband had planted it upside down, mistaking the branches for roots.
Although a lot of mistakes are all in good fun, sometimes they can involve some pretty close brushes with danger. One person was hanging out with their significant other, who went to cook some potatoes in the kitchen.
Unfortunately, they made the mistake of sticking the potatoes in foil. Obviously this is a big no-no, and before long the person came to ask their partner why a lightning storm was going off in the microwave. We know people want sparks to fly in a relationship, but not like this.
Everyone likes to see an animal near the side of the road during a long drive, and that excitement can often get the better of us. One person was in the car with their partner, when she noticed a horse by the side of the road.
Excited by the sight of this noble animal, she promptly stuck out her head and mooed as they passed by. We’re sure the horse appreciated the sentiment, if not the accuracy.
A couple had decided to go for a hike together, in an attempt to reconnect with nature and spend some quality time together. At some point during this hike, they stopped at a fork in the road, and one of them states that the right path is the one leading north.
At this point, their partner becomes confused, having thought that north was the name for the direction that a person is facing at any one time. Hopefully they were quickly acquainted with a compass.
Life on mars
The dream of setting foot on a different planet is one shared by many people – but apparently some get there much faster than others. A young woman was with her girlfriend one day, and they were looking up at the stars.
The girl’s partner turned to her and, pointing to a bluish star in the sky, asked if that was the earth. We imagine the girl was shocked to find that she’d been dating an extra-terrestrial the whole time.
It can be a big decision to become an organ donor, as your donation can change the life of a person forever. One man, however, was completely against the idea, to the point that his partner was struck by how vehemently he denounced the subject.
Upon asking why he was so opposed, he revealed that he was scared of the government walking up to him one day and simply taking them there and then. An intense fear? Yes. A valid one? Not really.
The furthest reaches of the universe are deeply mysterious, and full of wonder. The sun and moon, while certainly impressive, are much less shrouded in mystery. One woman, however, was completely in the dark when it came to these celestial bodies.
On one occasion, upon seeing the moon during the daytime, she turned to her partner and asked how this was possible, given that the moon and sun were the same thing. Hopefully her partner took her on a trip to the planetarium right there and then.
A drab world
It’s a well known fact that, before the wondrous world of technicolor, movies were shot in black and white. One man, however, found that while his partner knew this, she also thought the issue had stretched beyond the silver screen.
When talking about black and white films one day, his partner confidently stated that, back then, the world was in black and white too. What we really want to know is how she explained the real-life transition from black and white to color.
Disclaimer: Some photos may be stock images used for illustration purposes only. The people or places in these photos are not to be associated with the article.